All pictures are 1024 × 768 pixels.
A review of the trip can be found in three parts: the first, the second and the third.
If anyone from the East Leeds constituency reading this in 2015 or later thinks they recognise "Ranting Rich", who I knew when I was a student at the turn of the century: no, your eyes do not deceive you, that is your MP.
| WEDNESDAY-THURSDAY 13-14.06.2012 | |
| The Intergalactic Battlecruiser, decorated and ready to go... |
| Red Camp in the evening |
| A French game of flankyball... goes slightly awry |
| R.I.P. Tigger |
| The hour-long queue... |
| ...is livened, SWEDISH STYLE! |
| Rayleigh scattering over Hellfest |
| Andrew, from Camp Scouse, in his... dubious choice of clothing. It would get worse. |
| Even in the dark, you can see how close we are to the vineyards... |
| FRIDAY 15.06.2012 | |
 | Benediction (1) - complete with banners to tell us what stage we're on, which they all have |
 | Benediction (2) |
 | Benediction (3) |
 | Looking into the Valley... |
 | The Main Stages - which would be considerably less of a draw over the weekend than three of the tents |
 | Lizzy Borden (1) - with gyrating girl and minus Lizzy "him"self... |
 | Lizzy Borden (2) - swings the axe, on the gyrating girl, and on my ability to take action shots... |
 | Lizzy Borden (3) - lunch time? |
 | Lizzy Borden (4) - bring out yer dead... |
 | Lizzy Borden (5) - and a different mask, otherwise, all back to normal |
 | The Atomic Bitchwax (1) - complete with banners for the Valley |
 | The Atomic Bitchwax (2) |
 | The Atomic Bitchwax (3) |
 | Hellfest's Tree Of Metal, complete with swing |
 | Fun with balloons in the Valley |
 | Orange Goblin (1) |
 | Orange Goblin (2) |
 | Orange Goblin (3) - Joe doing the work of two |
 | Orange Goblin (4) - the single best photo I would take all festival! |
 | Taake (1) - the inverted cross is not theirs, it was an inherent part of the Temple's lightning rig |
 | Taake (2) |
 | Taake (3) - with very hapy crowdsurfing fan |
 | Taake (4) - with Norwegian flag |
 | Taake (5) - with Norwegian flag again, held the black metal way |
 | Moonsorrow (1) - saluting us for a ride we will enjoy! |
 | Moonsorrow (2) |
 | Moonsorrow (3) |
 | Moonsorrow (4) - Janne bench-tests new bright red Grecian 2000 |
 | Moonsorrow (5) |
 | Victory Noodles; foul, but an excellent chance to show off my new wind guard, made of six ex-Army table mats and a lot of gaffer tape. Score! |
 | The merch stalls, lit up with more fire than a burning church, and something that would be found in a burning church alongside... |
 | ...and a closer view. Those blue and pink discs are giant Anglepoise lamps, incidentally, which can't be seen well in the dark... |
 | Fire. And metal. Marvellous. |
 | Swinging bonfires... |
 | Two of the exhibits from the Forest Of Torches |
 | This way lies the wine bar... |
 | ...also, large chunks of roasted cow... |
 | ...and the oyster bar! |
 | Satyricon (1) |
 | Satyricon (2) |
 | Satyricon (3) |
 | Obituary (1) |
 | Obituary (2) |
 | Obituary (3): the Tardy brothers, both on drums |
 | Obituary (4) |
 | Amon Amarth (1) - with just as much fire as I'd come to expect... |
 | Amon Amarth (2) |
 | Amon Amarth (3) |
 | Amon Amarth (4) - ...and more fire |
 | Amon Amarth (5) - with the SURTUR backdrop |
 | Amon Amarth (6) - "it's time for that singalong again, and if you don't know the lyrics..." ...you know what comes next... |
 | Amon Amarth (7) - hidden somewhere amongst a shower of sparks |
 | Amon Amarth (8) |
| SATURDAY 16.06.2012 | |
 | Channel Zero (1) - with patriotic Belgians in full view |
 | Channel Zero (2) |
 | Channel Zero (3) |
 | Channel Zero (4) |
 | Necros Christos (1) |
 | Necros Christos (2) |
 | Necros Christos (3) |
 | Necros Christos (4) |
 | Death Angel (1) |
 | Death Angel (2) |
 | Death Angel (3) |
 | Death Angel (4) - the Dreadlocks Of Doom are unleashed |
 | Death Angel (5) - with Breton flag from one of the locals |
 | ...a nice cup of tea and a sit down afterwards? |
 | Exodus (1) |
 | Exodus (2) |
 | Exodus (3) |
 | "Je suis fermé!" |
 | Shining (1) |
 | Shining (2) |
 | Shining (3) |
 | Shining (4) |
 | Yob (1) |
 | Yob (2) |
 | Yob (3) |
 | Yob (4) |
 | ...and, as you see, I wasn't joking about running into Ranting Rich! |
 | Slight randomness on the way back from a reconnaissance trip to the car park... |
 | John encounters the Wall Of Bottles and the Pavement Of Crown Caps on our way back to the Valley... |
 | ...and here's a better view without his gurning mug in the way! |
 | Saint Vitus (1) - proudly displaying their primary interest |
 | Saint Vitus (2) |
 | Saint Vitus (3) |
 | Saint Vitus (4) - the drummer appears to be standing up...? |
 | Enslaved (1) |
 | Enslaved (2) - with matching Norwegian flag and flying beer jug |
 | Enslaved (3) |
 | A poor attempt at capturing the fire show outside. Things in the Altar were about to get more interesting... |
 | Entombed (1) - L.G. does his best Phil Anselmo impression |
 | Entombed (2) |
 | Entombed (3) |
 | Entombed (4) |
| SUNDAY 17.06.2012 | |
 | Aosoth (1) |
 | Aosoth (2) |
 | Aosoth (3) |
 | Winterfylleth (1) |
 | Winterfylleth (2) |
 | Winterfylleth (3) - don't make Nick angry, you wouldn't like him when he's angry... |
 | Winterfylleth (4) |
 | Winterfylleth (5) |
 | Winterfylleth (6) - Mark punches an invisible giant |
 | Winterfylleth (7) |
 | Winterfylleth (8) |
 | Insomnium (1) |
 | Insomnium (2) |
 | Insomnium (3) |
 | Alistair and Andrew, modelling for Hellfest's edition of The Clothes Show. This can never be unseen. |
 | Acid King (1) |
 | Acid King (2) |
 | Acid King (3) |
 | Anaal Nathrakh (1) |
 | Anaal Nathrakh (2) |
 | Anaal Nathrakh (3) |
 | ...and I doubt anyone's spinning in this grave, that I found on the way back to the campsite... |
 | Kali has a full horn, I have a free beer. In a way, we are both happy. |
 | We are all blinded by Yolanda's strobing socks... |
 | For some of us, a horn. For Beth, a litre-and-a-half jug of red wine... |
 | A random shot over the campsite. One of the others had my camera at this point... |
 | I may have The Horn, but Kali is steamingly drunk. As ever. |
 | Skål! Or whatever that is in Polish... |
 | Alistair is in pain. So would you be if you'd just ripped a load of gaffer tape off your groinal garden. |
 | Pentagram (1) |
 | Pentagram (2) |
 | Pentagram (3) |
 | Metallenglisch, and a misleading diagram. These aren't proper toilets... |
 | ...those Germans! |
 | The Obsessed (1) |
 | The Obsessed (2) |
 | The Obsessed (3) |
 | The Obsessed (4) |
 | The Hellfest Tree Of Metal... at night! |
 | ...the band called Hellvis, or Mr Presley himself? |
 | Slash (1) - featuring Myles Kennedy, on the right, and the Conspirators, dotted around the stage |
 | Slash (2) - in classic soloing pose, but excuse the blurry shot, I wasn't standing that close... |
 | Slash (3) |
 | Slash (4) |
 | Slash (5) |
 | La Taverne du Dragon d'Or. Burger de la Mort, or the guts and gore of your choice. |
 | "Andouillette ā l'Ancienne", allegedly. Guts and gore. Intestines and tripe. Still hungry? |
 | Dimmu Borgir (1) |
 | Dimmu Borgir (2) |
 | Dimmu Borgir (3) |
 | Dimmu Borgir (4) |
 | Dimmu Borgir (5) |
 | A final, equally rubbish attempt to catch the fire show at the entrance gate as we left at the end of the festival. Good show, Hellfest. |