F1 Rejects Microprose Grand Prix Series: the 2012 season

[dr-baker]

As soon as he is faced with a right turn, he'll get confused and crash.

No, it won't be quite like that. Every 90-degree right, he will turn 270-degrees to the left. Sorted!

[dinizintheoven]

As soon as he is faced with a right turn, he'll get confused and crash.

Reportedly, nobody at Team America thought that Ol' Jimmie's lack of experience in single-seaters and road courses was a problem. Still, at least he gets to start the 2013 season at his home race...

"What do y'all mean Phoenix ain't no oval?"

[dinizintheoven]

More freshly roasted news clippings straight from the oven

News from the Alps...

The bigwigs at Chrysler are reported to have said "we ain't developin' no engine for no crap-ass Euro-series, we got a company to rebuild! Hey, Mr O-bama, give us some of your commie librul government cash!" - completely forgetting that they are supplying an American team competing in a world series with races in the USA and Canada. Affected by this is the Monteverdi team, who have canned their Dodge V8 OHV engine in favour of taking the plunge with V12 power from the Japanese speciality tuners, HKS. Rumours that this is Carlo Chiti's old Subaru flat-12 bent into a V shape are completely unsubstantiated; HKS say it should be powerful enough to get Monteverdi challenging for podium positions. Meanwhile, over at EuroBrun, some light has been shed on their mysterious Austrian V12 engine, built by HTL Steyr but carrying the Neotech brand name. Unfortunately, the press release is in German, and EuroBrun's entire staff were too busy to translate it, being concerned with the pressing matter of finding some sponsors or facing the prospect of another revoltingly uncompetitive season.

Meanwhile, in Norfolk... the first of the 2013 cars breaks its cover!



(Success! I can make clickable images on this board. I am feeling very pleased with myself. So are Tony Fernandes and Mike Gascoyne...)

TF: "Hey, Mike, great job you've done there!"
MG: "Who'd have thought it could be so easy? The T127 might have been drawn on the back of a fag packet and cobbled together in a few days, but it's finally going to pay off!"
TF: "You mean... that's a recycled T127?"
MG: "It is, all I've done is taken off those last few silly flippy bits that we all thought were banned but weren't, gave the sidepods a bit of a trim, and Bob's your uncle!"
TF: "Actually, my uncle was called Faisal..."
MG: "Figure of speech, Tony!"
TF: "But do you really think it can win?"
MG: "Think about it; last year, someone left the plans for the Dallara GP2/08 lying around, next thing we know, all the cars look like it!"
TF: "I know, I had a look at them myself. And photocopied them for good measure."
MG: "The way I see it is, if that basic shape turns up again, we've got them all covered. It'll be a five-year-old GP2 car with a Formula 1 engine in the back, versus us with a three-year-old model that wasn't brilliantly fast but was at least a Formula 1 car in the first place!"
TF: "Right, I'd better find someone to drive it. Fairuz says he'll stay with us..."
MG: "What about Alex Yoong? He had some great races with Minardi last year."
TF: "But will he sign for us? We scored nothing last year... but I'll see if I can talk him into it."
MG: "With this car, tell him we'll be up the front and we'll trounce the competition in their old nails!"
(TF goes off to call Alex Yoong and see if he's interested in a drive with FTM. MG calls him back.)
MG: "Tony!"
TF: "What? I'm busy!"
MG: "I need to have another look at the blueprints for the car again. Have you seen them? I thought I put them in this drawer..."
TF: "Actually, I had a call the other day from a junior designer, who wants to join our team and learn from the best."
MG: "...who's this? I'm sure I'd have heard of him."
TF: "He didn't give his name. But, he had this odd habit of talking in bawdy chat-up lines."
MG: "How'd he ever pass his engineering exam?"
TF: No, really, he showed me a photo of his certificate. Even if it didn't seem to have a name on it. Or at least I couldn't read it."
MG: "...and did he have an odd, slightly Eastern European accent?"
TF: "I think he tried to say he was from Transylvania..."
MG: "...and did he have a mole on his top lip?"
TF: "...actually, yes!"
MG: "You know who that was, don't you?"
TF: "..."

TF & MG (realising what this means for the upcoming season): "OH... BATHPLUG!"

[dinizintheoven]

The F1RMGP Departure Lounge

Those who have left the series in 2011...




And those who left in 2012...




(Translation: "my mugshot gallery works, whether the images are hosted on my site or f1rejects.com...")

[dinizintheoven]

If it ain't broke...

...then don't fix it. Unless you're the Viking Racing team, in which case: "if it ain't broke, throw something at it." The team have just announced their catering staff for the 2013 season, and with several hundred Viking-sized appetites to satisfy, they've appointed the only people capable of being up to the job.

This lot.

Enjoy the ride.

[advent]

Hey Guy's Im Advent! Love this thread so much, I have to ask. Are people allowed to submit a team they would like to enter for the 2013? Would be nice to see how well teams that we'd have to run could do!! As I already have a idea for my team =]

Great Work, I love what you've done.

Regards Advent.

[tommykl]

Hey Guy's Im Advent! Love this thread so much, I have to ask. Are people allowed to submit a team they would like to enter for the 2013? Would be nice to see how well teams that we'd have to run could do!! As I already have a idea for my team =]

Great Work, I love what you've done.

Regards Advent.

There's already a thread for the 2013 season, and sadly we're not allowed to enter.

[advent]

Will there/ could there be a series we could enter?

Advent.

[tommykl]

Will there/ could there be a series we could enter?

Advent.

There are multiple series you can enter, just look for the right threads
Also, go to the HWNSNBM forum and introduce yourself in the stickied thread!

[dinizintheoven]

You could always... drop in a "Rumours section" at the end of the 2013 season, which will be either confirmed or denied by the Series Management. That's how DAMS, Neotech, Isuzu, HKS and the ludicrous Proton-Mechachrome W9 engine all ended up on the grid... and Dome are already lurking in the shadows.

And now, 2013 is GO! GO! GO!